The Day the Earth Stood Still - January 5, 2009

Have you seen the new movie? Actually it's a remake of a 1951 classic...The Day the Earth Stood Still! Imagine that; they even gave it the same title. Now, those of you over say, 45, may remember the original. It provided a big, scary robot named GORT who never really hurt anyone. He just disintegrated their guns, tanks, missiles and other unnecessary implements of destruction.

Then there was the spaceman, who traveled a bazillion miles to give an inter-galactic message to the people of earth. He never hurt anyone either. OK, I suppose his threat to destroy earth because it was interfering with the balance of happiness in the universe, might be considered somewhat hostile, but this was 1951 and the nuclear (pronounced nuc-li-ur, not the way our current President pronounces it) race was on. So, it's not that far fetched to see why other beings inhabiting our universe might be a bit nervous. What? You don't believe in aliens? Any way, Keanu Reeves is the star of the 2008 version, while Michael Rennie was the star of the original version.

Unfortunately, the 2008 version, despite tremendous special effects, must have run out of production money. They never finished the movie. In the original version, KLATU, Michael Rennie's character, wanted to get the attention of all the people on earth so he could deliver his message. So, he made all the power on earth stop for exactly 30 minutes. No running cars. No trains. Planes suspended in mid-air. No elevators. Nothing. If it required power other than the sun, it didn't work. Then after 30 minutes, everything was back to normal. Then, after showing this great power and his ability to do what ever he wanted, KLATU addressed a meeting of scientists from all over the world, delivered his message for the people of earth to quit fighting each other or face destruction, and unceremoniously got into his spaceship and flew away. We got the message.

Keanu Reeves, however, made everything stop, for no apparent reason, and then the movie ended. It was like watching A Christmas Carol, having Scrooge wake up after the ghosts had visited and then rolling the credits without Scrooge celebrating Christmas Day! You never got the point. But that was Hollywood. But, I figure if KLATU can make the earth stand still, maybe I'll give it a try.

So tomorrow morning, at precisely 5:23 a.m., expect everything to stop. Please pay special attention to the aging process. You will be able to remain just as old as you are at 5:23 a.m. The good news is that I am not going to follow the original plot either. I am never starting things up again! You see, I will turn 55 years old tomorrow at 5:23 a.m. and I believe that's a good place to stop. Old enough to know better, but young enough to enjoy life; well, at least those parts that don't require power.

Actually, I am not really going to bring everything to a halt tomorrow morning at 5:23 a.m., but I bet a few of you were beginning to get scared. I have simply decided that I don't want to be older than 55. Please don't misunderstand. I want to go on living. I just want to remain as I am when I wake up tomorrow morning for the rest of my life, without measuring how long that really is, or at least allowing us to make each future year consist of 2,000 days each, rather than 365.

Which brings me to the real point of all this rambling: my personal distaste for all the people born on February 29th of any year. While I must wake up every January 5th to a rousing course of HAPPY BIRTHDAY, those born on February 29th only have to face this greeting once every 1,461 days! Therefore, since I was born on January 5, 1954, it was predetermined I would celebrate my 54th birthday on January 5th, 2008. Those born on February 29th, 1952, two years prior to me, only celebrated their 14th birthday in 2008! And they won't turn 15 until 2012! Now where is the fairness in that!
Now, I realize there are the optimists who will say, "you're only as old as you feel," but wouldn't all of us enjoy feeling like we are only 14 just like these leap year babies? My joints and aching muscles say YES!

I just had a brilliant idea. Maybe I will follow in the footsteps of KLATU and stop the world. But only for those people who were born on February 29th so they can catch up to the rest of us. Or maybe I'll just petition Congress and our soon to be new President, Mr, Obama, to delete February 29th from all calendars going forward, and force all birth certificates of those born on February 29th of any year to be changed to March 1st. That way, the February 29th babies will have like 4 times as many birthdays all in one year. That would teach them.

Nah. The politicians would never go for that. The reason: every year having a February 29th just happens to be a presidential election year. There is no way the candidates will give up that extra day of campaigning.

So, Happy Birthday to me and all you other readers who happened to have their birthdays fall on January 5th. Celebrating another birthday certainly beats the alternative!